I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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