he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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