I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
