guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
