I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
