I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
