cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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