this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I have aggressive nipples.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
