i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
