If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
