My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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