Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
