I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
