just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
