id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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