Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
