I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
