My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
