is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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