forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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