We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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