We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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