ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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