I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
