oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
