3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Randomize
