So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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