Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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