Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
