I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
