She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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