they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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