I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
