You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
