he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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