It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
