dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
