My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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