I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
