I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
