Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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