Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
