I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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