I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
