He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
