CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
