I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
