When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
