my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
