I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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