Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
