have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
