i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you didnt know i had herpes?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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