Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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