So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
